Ok, so we’ve been married 21 years today…. how did that happen?!
I don't go overboard on the “I’m married and it’s wonderful” on social media - that’s out of respect for friends who find that sort of thing difficult. They don't need that shoved down their throats at every turn.
I don't really do ‘mushy’ either - it’s just not my thing. Relationships are about much more than romance. We do laughter and silliness - and do it very well! (The photo above is a classic pose for us - taken 9 years ago).
But our wedding anniversary is a day I feel we can publicly celebrate. And I think my friends will forgive me for that.
Our wedding day was a pouring wet and windy Saturday - the sun came out and streamed through the windows of the church just as we were saying our vows, and then it rained again. We did the photos inside the church - but that was planned.... It was February!
We didn't stick to tradition for our wedding.
My brother walked me down the aisle to “Great Is Thy Faithfulness”. The musicians among you will quickly realise that this hymn is written in 3/4 - not the best for aisle walking… He could have waltzed me down the aisle. (Thankfully he didn’t!)
We walked out to the original recording of Noel Richard’s “Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow”. The congregation were a happy mix of those dancing in the aisle, and those looking bewildered because they thought we were walking out to the traditional ‘doxology’. We grinned all the way up the aisle - and back again (remember - we had to come back in for the photos).
I actually got told off for smiling too much!!!
We had three bridesmaids (My chief bridesmaid was my childhood friend, Rachel Pearce). They were dressed in green! I’m told by superstitious folk that green is a no-no at a wedding, as are pearls…. I wore pearls too.
I did my own hair and make-up (Unheard of today!)
We had a proper buffet reception - but much to my mum’s embarrassment, I insisted on having jelly as one of the puddings…. I like jelly!
We had no speeches, other than the best man…. and an impromptu one from Steve - who turned his matching green waistcoat inside out to reveal a waistcoat covered in grinning cartoon cats. I suppose you could say that set the scene for the rest of our marriage.
I’m often asked what our secret is.
I’ve also had people say that not having our own children has made it easier on us. (I have two wonderful step sons - but people who comment mean I haven't given birth to any.) I wish those people realised how painful those comment have been!
We may not have had the stress of babies, toddlers and teenagers, but we have had stress from other things. We have met those stresses with our ‘one-ness’, and with good humour.
As my disability has developed, it has not just been me who has grieved - Steve has too (He knew what was coming when he married me - but he has still grieved with me). We’ve both had to adapt as we face life together. When one of us is in pain or sad - both of us feel it. When one of us is joyful - we both celebrate. We see marriage as a partnership.
SO what is our secret? Well - it’s not really a secret!
Two words: God and laughter.
Ok, so there’s probably more - isn't there always! But those two things cover most.
Having said all that - I want to pay tribute to this wonderful man I married:
He has let me fly and never tried to clip my wings.
He has recognised God’s calling on my life and supported me in it - ministry has never been a competition with Steve.
He has been my rock - unmovable and dependable.
He is an ‘extra miler’. Going one step further on things I ask him to do, and even the surprise things I haven't asked for. There’s always that one extra present, that one extra thing :o)
He makes me laugh out loud everyday, he’s a never ending fountain of information, he’s my grammar checker, and tamer when I get angry.... not with him - we've never had an argument.
I’d love another 21 years - but I take nothing for granted. So I’ll love him as much as I can today…. and tomorrow, and for as many todays and tomorrows as we are given.
I know he thinks the same, and I ask for nothing more.